25 years ago, today I said, I do for the first time early that Sunday morning. I thought for sure this time it would be a forever love, after having the biggest disappointment of my life at 18. Say what? 18?? Who was I kidding, I was way too young to know how to treasure a forever love, much less say I do, to someone whom I didn't feel safe with especially since his family and his ambitions of accomplishing the "American Dream" meant more to him than I. Hold on, this is not the blame game segment, it's just a few red flags, I didn't pay attention to before I said I do. After all, before every tragedy, there is always a warning; even a slight inclination that something isn't right.
The fact is, unless we prepare our minds and hearts for a purposeful union, the severe effects on the mind, body, and spirit, can last for years, sometimes even a lifetime. So, I'm writing this post to help someone, maybe even you, yes you, the one who was drawn here to read my short story of how I suffered for 25 years of guilt, shame, and even scorn, until I realized that I was always loved, treasured and expected to give love back to others even when they show me nothing but hatred, jealousy, and maleficent behavior.
I'm here to tell you that God loves you so much that He will go out of His way to warn you, show you signs and put those red flags up to help you make the right decisions.
If I'm being honest, I was such a broken girl behind that smile and all those ambitious goals. I always felt that I had to be better because I felt alone and abandoned. This feeling overwhelmed me since I was eight years old when I found out my mom was really my foster mom. So my band-aid was to create that fairytale life of perfection to replace the broken one that was given to me. You may have guessed by now that plan was far from achieved. Yes, I made bad decisions after bad decisions.
I replaced one bad relationship with another, and didn't even stop to ask myself, are you ok? No, I didn't care how I really felt, all I did was feel sorry for myself for not having a real family, so I tried to create one for myself. Low and behold, I needed to have more than a fantasy and a vision board in place to achieve success in my relationships. I was too broken and to overzealous, so I attracted people who caused me the same pain the people who abandoned me did. People who didn't have my best interest at heart, only their own. The irony is, I knew it didn't feel right. There were so many clues, such as: not being heard, being shut down when it was my turn to speak up, and the fatal blow, disloyalty. What ever happened to leave and cleave?
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh " ~ Genesis 2:24.
Honestly, any and everytime you bring strangers into your marriage or relationship, you will contaminate your marriage with all manner of evil thoughts and bias. Hence, it is best that both you and your mate be cloven unto the other and have the Lord as your mediator and counsel. Prayer must be your intercessory vehicle to avoid the pangs of the flesh. Having respect for your mate and exhibiting patience when one is weak is the purest act of love you can show one another in times of uncertainty. It's like being a friend to yourself when you are weary, lost, and afraid. The love you have for yourself that you must give to others. This is the commandment of Christ, that you love one another.
Truthfully, as a woman scorned, unless you find love within your own self, you can never give it to someone else. Further, if you don't discern early on when someone loves you or not, you will waste your love, your good pearls on someone who is not worthy of you as a mate. I said this because we are to love all people, but when you commit to loving someone as a life long partner, you must have love within yourself, in order to give it away to someone you can trust. Love is powerful, pure, holy, wise, is patient, kind, not prideful, it covers a multitude of sins, and never ever dies.
To the woman or man out there looking for love, you must find it deep within your heart, and bring it to the surface, when you do this it will be so powerful that anyone who does not have love in their heart will not have power over you. Let me say this again, anyone who does not have love will not have power over you! They will be extinguished like the parasite they are and flee from you. Therefore, love is the anecdote for sin, death and the grave. Christ died for your weakness, your anxiety, your abandonment issues, your insecurities about your body, your lack of resources, and the lack of ability to communicate your thoughts. Christ made the sacrifice to take all of your hurt, your pain, suffering, and disability to the grave so that you can be free and made whole again.
Don't let the disappointment of a divorce, separation, adultery, abandonment, hatred, and scorn define your life and your future. Take a stand today, for you! Yes, declare right now that you are better than that person who mopes around all day thinking about that man who betrayed you, or that woman you betrayed. Accept your part in the failed relationship, forgive yourself, and the person so you can be free. You are not alone in this matter. When you are in a relationship and you are not whole, and your needs are not met, it is because you don't know how to give and receive love; such a relationship will be doomed from the beginning. Hence, you are now both victims in a sin battle for your soul. Therefore it is imperative that you give your heart to Christ before it is too late!! Preferably, it is better to give your heart to Christ before you find a mate, for this will offer you the chance to stand firm on a solid foundation.
Dear one, my redemption came the day I realized I was always loved. The day that I knew and felt that I was loved me beyond my sin, my insecurities, my failures and my impurities, I became free, and so can you! I also realized that my enemies were acting out of pain, and suffering in their own lives. For the enemy, the devil came to steal, kill and destroy the human soul and experience. I knew that Satan, was after my soul and that He was not giving up the fight to destroy my soul, so He used the parts of me that hurt, that parts that needed someone to love and to love me back.
So, I cried out to God for mercy, and for the forgiveness of my sins: the fornication, adultery, lies, and unloving behavior. From that day on, I knew I had to do the work daily to become a better person. I chose to wipe the slate clean one negative thought and person at a time. Once you do this, you too will eventually have fewer friends, and you will have to move to a place physically and spiritually where you can be at peace and free to worship Jesus your Lord and Savior in spirit and in truth. The journey to your higher self-involves the focus of initiating purposeful unions. This is not an easy fete but must be done. With God's help, you can do it too!
I hope you feel even just a little better knowing that you are not alone in this fight. Know that you are truly not alone. God is faithful. Know that you are loved beyond any bad thing you have ever done. You are not a slave to your sins. Know that this day you are free. Don't believe the lies the enemy is spewing out in your mind, that you are a deadbeat, a bad person, a slacker, a cheat, a worthless piece of trash, an addict to the point of no return, a diseased person on the brink of death. See yourself well, and whole again.
Get tired of being sick, depressed and in lack. Be a better woman, man, child, parent, influencer, and leader. Your day of deliverance has come. Be well. Be made whole today. I am rejoicing with you in your new found freedom. Be of good courage. Pray without ceasing. Keep up the good fight of faith. You have overcome. You are no longer a slave. No matter how long you have been in the battle, the time has come for you to be out of the war zone and free. Stay committed to your faith, and each obstacle will become easier and easier to get through. You are blessed. You are redeemed, and now free!
May God's peace continue to rest and abide with you.
Love and Light,
Crystal E. Melville, M.A., CPC
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