Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God as who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." ~ John 4:10
No one ever truly wants to be a burden, a hindrance or obstacle on someone else’s path to freedom, but somehow life seems to begat circumstances that breed tragedy, chaos, confusion, and a whole laundry list of choices which turns into the lives people end up living. Some people are born into wealth, fame, popularity and influence. Some are born into poverty, shame, guilt, lack, oppression, pain, and pure hell. Who’s to blame? The answer is, it’s not just one person. We are all at fault somehow. Why? Because our ancestors did things that we, unfortunately, have to endure and somehow make atonement for in this life. Is that fair? No. How can we avoid life’s repercussions? We can’t. We just have to find out what our part is in the solution. This now begins the path to our purpose and journey to our higher self, which entails finding our voice, our self-worth, and our destiny. We must, however, know that the beginning comes with hard-hitting truths, but unfortunately, many simply give up and avert to the easy way out which may entail, lying to themselves, self-soothing with drugs, adopting bad thinking, or even taking on the false perception of self, which is the host for mental illness. In actuality, this cycle of bad thought, and actions is simply evil at its finest.
So, you are here. You are in the thick of it. Life has begun. You are a person with a range of responsibilities whether you like it or not. People are counting on you to be better than they are, do more, and have more. Yet you are suffering in silence…. so how do you cope? How do you catch your breath and even begin to feel like you? I wish I could tell you it’s easy but at some point in your life, you have to say no to people in your life who act like they care about you but really care about themselves. You see, what’s happening to you, isn’t uncommon. You are not the only one who feels overwhelmed, unappreciated and at times out of control. Listen as you embark on a journey of a woman who felt so obligated to please everyone that she almost lost her own life.
The DESCENT: ONE WOMAN’S JOURNEY OF PAIN AND REGRET
She laments, “One day my foster mom asked me, who will take care of me when I get older? I said I’ll come back to take care of you. She sighed and made me feel bad about leaving for college, so I stayed. That became one of the most detrimental decisions in my life. I stayed, but never felt more lost. I checked out and was never the same again. I did my duty, but inside I was empty. My dreams were shattered and I had felt like I had no purpose. I began to make terrible decisions upon attracting the opposite sex and subsequently developed relationships that were toxic and unloving. I got married at an early age (19), and went on a crash course down misery lane. Along the way, I had children whom I love dearly and did the best I could to raise them, however, being a single mother was not what I had planned in my room as an eight-year-old dreamer. I failed. Nevertheless, I kept going. I went back to school after losing a full-ride scholarship and having four children, now single and broke. One day after coming home from work, I became dreadfully ill, and couldn’t talk and walk. The stresses from my life exiting the foster care system, years of sexual immorality, low self-esteem, and self-worth, as well as fatigue from being a caregiver with not much support early in life, caused me to collapse, and face death’s door. I was empty. Completely spent. I literally had no more fuel in the tank.
Until one day, I found my voice. I simply poured my heart out to God and told Him how sorry I was, how tired I was, and how ashamed I was at the life I ruined. One day God called out to me and gave me a new name. I became his servant that day, and though I was still in the thick of it, God gave me a way out. I had to make the decision to keep getting better. I had to give up a life feeling sorry for myself and desiring men who didn’t love me. I had to find love within myself. God came to me personally and covered me. I felt wanted, loved, and supported for the first time in my life. I still had four children to raise, I was still in pain, but I knew for the first time in my life, I was no longer alone.
I then began to narrow my focus on my purpose before me, which is to become a whole person, no longer seeking man’s acceptance, and accepting disrespect and disloyalty from men. I began the journey to self- respect, honor, and dignity. I began the journey to my higher self, the journey to God, and to know his plan for my life. I am now one with the Holy Spirit and receive strength and guidance daily so that I can now teach others the importance of a relationship with God, and how to worship in spirit and in truth. You see the only way to be true is to forsake the lies we tell ourselves, as well as the people who enable us in being immoral. You will have to remove yourself from the place, people and things that oppose God’s holy character, he desires to develop in you all for his glory. You will feel alone, but you are truly never alone. You will feel tired at times but never weary. You may be broke or experience lack for a moment in your life but it won’t last for long. You may feel weak but in Christ you are strong. This is why we need a Savior. You must choose to follower Christ and never look back. Repent of your sins and walk completely away from the life which brings you much heartache, sorrow, and can potentially cause your untimely death. You are stronger than you think.”
This woman speaking to you is Bishop C.E. Melville. I am here to tell you that my story is not that different from yours. At one time, I felt alone, rejected, unappreciated and lost. Until I decided to believe that there is better. I believed that I can be better. That people can see me be better even if they didn’t co-sign my freedom. I was able to take care of my foster mother until she passed at the age of 79, as well as my foster brother who inspired me so much though he was deaf. He passed at the young age of 36. I was also able to raise my four children to become four god-fearing young adults. I say my life has been a success!
After my period of descent, I actually found myself in a place where most people feel uncomfortable, but never felt better for me, I was humbled, and felt comfortable being dependent on God for everything. This is how I was able to rise: First of all, I realized that I was always loved. I accepted that I chose to care for my elderly parent out of love and honor for her work. I stayed at home to be a caregiver and though it brought me pain, and a season of instability, God gave me beauty for my ashes. In time, I want back to school, completed my undergrad degree at the age of 37, then entered grad school, with one master’s under my belt and now, officially completing my M.Div. I will also begin my Doctoral Journey in the summer of 2020. I am also proud to say that I am completely off of government assistance, since being deemed disabled in 2008 due to a brain malformation. I am now healed and free. I don’t need the support of the government, as I am one who serves. I have served my communities since 1990, as a banker, nurse, life coach, and now minister. The day I got off government assistance I realized that I truly wasn’t alone. Though I did need help while I was ill and unable to care for my basic needs, I found out that my greater needs weren’t taken care of. I needed spiritual healing.
THE END IN MIND
Once I surrendered my life to Christ I began to grow spiritually and thus I received the healing and support I needed to balance my inner self, ending the struggle within. I received my clarity and accepted what I couldn't change. I decided to follow the Lord’s leading and keep walking in faith. Though I have days when I’m weary and feel like I can’t go on, I just rest. I pray. Seek God’s face, spend time in His Word, and He fills me up like no one ever could. I am the Lord’s forever. My past doesn’t define me, and it can’t keep me from an eternity in the Lord’s presence.
Remember you too, are worthy of the “Father’s Love.”
We just sent you an email. Please click the link in the email to confirm your subscription!