The most important take away about being a parent is the reality that it's a privilege not a right. No one understands completely why some people become parents and some do not. In today's society that anomaly isn't respected instead, people go at a fast past to defy destiny, and plan a family of their own without consulting the gift giver, our Creator. You see, having a child without God's blessing is really setting that child or children up for a life of unnecessary grief and even doom. Today, practically anyone can have a baby in and and out of season. All they need is an egg, (anybody's egg) some baby juice, aka sperm ( a quote from a tv reality star) and one or two willing parties to hatch and raise the baby. Oh, how gruesome that sounds. Having a baby used to be special, timely, and purposeful.
Here's the thing, when we make these hasty, selfish decisions, and things don't work out as they often do, what's left is a single parent, abandoned and neglected children. And don't tell me child support will suffice because it just can't, end of story! So what happens now? Well, you are now left to raise a child all by yourself, the bills are now for one person, and you alone have to go to work, and pay for child care all while you still have the desire to be in a loving relationship. Do you quickly try to find a willing vessel to help you with your new project or do you sit still to let the situation marinate, figure this single parenting thing out and try not to be a repeat offender? I say, pick the latter.
Not only is the latter decision, "go it alone" safer, it's stress free, and very doable. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying to put your entire life on hold, and forget that you are very much alive and desire companionship, just don't be a repeat offender, in that, don't put yourself, and your children in harms way emotionally, and physically, just to feel good for a season. Remember, this is your child or children, that you decided to will here, and conceive, so you have a moral responsibility to that office, that is mother and father. You must quickly realize that if that relationship was to be, you wouldn't be alone. Perhaps also you may need to grow up a little, or a lot, and get to know you for once in your life. You see when you get to know you, you can become the best man or woman, mother or father you can possibly be for you first, then your children. You won't have to worry about pleasing anyone, especially a stranger with their own baggage, and possibly ill intentions. I mean let's face it, often times your new mate will not be wholeheartedly committed to YOUR child(ren), as you would. Now, this may not be true for some but the majority of the time it is.
Hence, you would have to always be looking over your shoulder to access your child's mental state, your mate's satisfaction and thus wear yourself out in the process. No, not good. Just do it alone for a while, learn how to be resourceful, purposeful, powerful, and stress free all by yourself. Take time to get you right, feel better about yourself, get in the best health, and spend the time getting to know your children for who they are so that they can become the best version of themselves. Once you achieve these goals you have committed to accomplish, then you can one day attract the right people in your life to value your sacrifice. Yes, SACRIFICE! This is a word that parents know all too well, at least some do. It's ancient and let's face it, this life may be painful at times, tiring, but it's worth it in the end.
So to avoid the biggest mistake most parents make, and have the family you truly deserve without the stress you have to be patient, be willing to change, to grow and sacrifice. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself. If you're a single parent reading this message, know that you are not alone. You don't have to go this road alone either. Get involved in your community, find groups that will encourage and support you, and most of all find time to get alone with God, and just have a heart of thanksgiving, which will open up more doors for better relationships and and abundance of blessings for you and your child(ren). All it takes is a willing heart and the commitment to persevere to the end. I pray that you will have the abundance of grace and support needed to help you on this journey.
Love and Light,
Crystal E. Melville, Th.D
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