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Wellness for Women Over 40 Series: Part 7

Dating over 40 - Starting over!

· dating,Dating Over 40,relationships

Greetings Ladies and friends, it's me Crystal again with another take on how women should consider their transition into full adulthood. You see it's all a matter of growing up and growing in sync with the mind, body, and spirit. When we detach ourselves from our spiritual nature we become distracted and perplexed with aging, body image, and emotional baggage. This is not godly at all. In fact, it is sinful, hence premature aging, caused by stress overload. Another part of our life we should not neglect and rather treat very sensitively is relationships. You see were created to have a relationship with God, and one another. We are reminded to" Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that we may life you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." ~1 Peter 5:6-7

When we fail to prioritize our relationships and don't give them the ample time and care needed to blossom and prosper we become perplexed, look to the world for answers, and then instead of finding a resolve, or have peace in our lives, we tend to fall apart, and again, here come premature aging, and poor health. There's a pattern here and we have to stop the madness, so we can enjoy adulthood and live stress free! So without further ado, here's my take on dating after 40. Oh, but before I get into it, allow me to share this poem with you:

This poem above really describes the way we usually think of ourselves in real time, right? We judge ourselves the harshest, and really don't love ourselves as we should. So, let me ask you this, if you don't love yourself who will? Listen, we are spiritual beings, hence, if we feel that we are not worthy of love, patience, and the real truth about who we are, "God's masterpiece, " then who will think that way about us? Most men will tell you what you want to hear just to hit a home run, as in enter your psyche, emotions, then your body. So you, as an adult woman must realize your self worth, and know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.(Psalms 139:14 teaches us to give God praise- "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that fully well.")

So when we say terrible things about ourselves this brings shame to God, it's like saying we regret that he created us. The point of the matter is, we are given this body and it's up to us to take care of it. If you don't like how you look, change your mindset, learn to love you. (Notice I didn't say get plastic surgery or worse contemplate committing suicide.) If you think you are, or feel overweight, then get healthier, eat cleaner and exercise more. Please not that a crash diet or an inconsistent exercise pattern will not help you, only cause you to do what it says, crash! I can go on and on but I won't because I've been down this road, and I don't want you to feel like your alone and that I'm beating you up, I'm not. I am only saying what you and I have said, and what you and I have heard.

Dating after 40 is special, if you haven't found your one true love early in life due to fact you are more mature now, have kissed a few frogs, and have made up your mind to no longer sell yourself short. Yes, I said it; it's about time that you took the time to heal from your old wounds, and close the door to your insecurities. Forgive yourself, forgive others who have hurt you, and move on! Once you do this, you will be open to what is good, and in due season, if you are patient the one that you desire will show up. The best scenarios are the ones you don't plan. I know that we live in an era where social media is another way of life, and online dating is the vehicle for change and often not in a good way. Now, some people have found success with online dating and power to them, but a majority have failed, become disappointed by all of the scams, lies, and some have tragically lost their lives.

Psychology Today posted an interesting article explaining the pros and cons of online dating, they report:

Finkel and associates (2012) put together an extremely comprehensive review of the literature investigating various aspects of online dating. The goal of their review was to evaluate whether online dating was 1) fundamentally different from face-to-face dating and 2) was superior. Results of their assessment indicated that dating online was indeed different from "traditional" dating in a number of ways. It also provided some superior features and potential problems.

Overall, Finkel and associates (2012) found that online dating differed in three main areas:

1) Access

Pros: Online dating provided individuals with access to many more potential partners than they could often find in their daily lives. This is especially true for individuals interested in partners of a particular type, orientation, lifestyle, or in isolated areas.

Cons: The choices of partners can become confusing and overwhelming. Without a clear plan, online daters can get stuck endlessly "shopping" for the perfect partner, rather than actually starting a satisfying relationship.

2) Matching

Pros: Many online dating sites offer various types of personality testing and matching. Such matching can help guide individuals toward dating partners who may be more compatible.

Cons: Matching is a difficult process and testing may not be accurate for everyone. In addition, people may present differently in person or change over time. So, matching may overlook potentially good partners in the process.

3) Communication

Pros: Online dating offers a number of ways to get to know a potential date before meeting in person. Such computer-mediated communication allows for safe and convenient interaction, without much risk or time commitment. For the busy professional, or the safety-conscious, such communication is an excellent way to "test" potential partners.

Cons: Communication through computers is lacking some of the information provided in face-to-face interaction. As a result, it is harder to evaluate a potential match online. Also, some of the cues and features that build attraction (like touching) cannot be accomplished through a computer. So, such computer-mediated communication may have an artificial and unemotional quality.

Consequently, any form of dating requires much prayer, and a sense of peace before it's undertaken. " God gives us a warning here in 2 Corinthians 6:14, " Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteous and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

Overall if your desire is to date or enter into a courtship again, know that you are not alone in this, as it really sucks to be all alone as you age. If you have children you don't want to be a hindrance for them. Also, this may not be your lot in life and that's okay. As long as you are engaged in a purposeful life, one that brings you much contentment that's all that matters. Not every woman will be called to full-time ministry such like "Mother Theresa" and other nuns, or women of the cloth who decide to remain celibate. It is important to be respectful of those who choose this path. I know that society can be so cruel, even your own family sometimes, they push people on you or friends try to set you up without asking, and this can really turn your emotions upside down. 

I mean, how many of us even sat in church and observed married folks and wished we were them, or just any couple in general? The key is to first have a relationship with God, then yourself, so that you can appreciate time well spent with others, so that in this way, you won't have any expectations, or grievances even before decide to date. Just keep a peaceful mind, and heart about all things and good will come in due season.

I sincerely hope that as you read this post, you saw yourself as your are, God's wonderful creation, who deserves all the love, that is available to you; all you have to do is open your heart and receive it.

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:14

Love and Light,

Crystal E. Melville, M.A., CPC

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